Go to Church

We should all go back to church 'cause they've hit the market place
They're getting fashionable ideas from back issues of "The Face"
They've bought part-shares in the pill
Porn videos and guns, guns, guns!
(I like it!)

Old concepts are boring, the designer mass is fun
They've changed the local parishes into saunas, gyms, spas
The Eucharist and the Covenant is now a mini-bar
They've bought a New York decorator to change cherubs into fairies
The body and the blood to caviar and, Bloody Marys
While the font is a Jacuzzi, holy water's Perrier
'Cause the Vatican has found a way to make religion pay
If you've soiled your conviction, sold your soul
All you need is absolution, get some good rock 'n' roll

Let my people go, go, go to church
Listen to the preacher
Go to church
He'll teach you more than Fredrick Nietzsche
Go to church
Where you can let your hair hang down, down, down
No need to be embarrassed 'cause there's no-one else around

The parish priests are tryna make lay-people of your daughters
Installing water beds as their sacrificial altars
The parents are concerned, but nothing could be safer
'Cause your girl won't get pregnant if she's chewing on that wafer
And while I'm on the topic, did I forget to mention
That Brother Joe rides piggyback with dubious intention?
And Amy Grant has songs that have you coming in your socks
While pre-pubescent school boys try to pillage her poor-box
The flying nun with see-through frocks and sexy lingerie
Now they've turned the sacred sacrament into a cabaret

Let my people go, go, go to church
That's what my mother used to say
Go to church
Or you will rue the day
Go to church
Where you can go and see all the pretty people
If you've never been before it's the building with the steeple

The mass was best in Latin, they never should have banned it
It doesn't make sense now that we can understand it
Socer uno servo fetum, Lefebvre's not a faggot
But if he don't take care he'll get laid, he'll get laid
He'll get laid off like Jimmy Swaggart
Admission is free if you're certain of your fate
If not, I recommend some big cash on the plate
Or get a damn good lawyer to change the ref's decision
'Cause I'm stuck with going to church like I'm stuck with circumcision

Let my people go, go, go to church
'Cause you may find favour
Go to church
Lift your arms to the saviour
Go to church
It's getting warm and I can hear that final bell
Better move your feet, there's no fire escape in Hell

Come on all you sexually impotent
Drunken, drug-pushing
Scumbags
Go to church!