Hurt The Ones I Love

I've been so distant i know, love
I've just been feeling everything
And when I'm hurting i go numb
Then I stop feeling anything
And when I'm spiraling out of control
I won't let you in
I get so bitter and put up my walls
And hurt you again
You know i shut myself down
Just to block out the pain
And i've been tryna be better
But i keep fading away
And when i'm caught up in my emotions
I'll push you out again
Cause when I hate myself enough
I hurt the ones I love
I get so caught in my moods
And say some things I don't mean
And im sorry im defensive
When you're only trying to help me
I can't help it
I hate how i can be
And when I'm spiraling out of control
I won't let you in
I get so bitter and put up my walls
And hurt you again
You know i shut myself down
just to block out the pain
And i've been tryna be better
But i keep fading away
And when i'm caught up in my emotions
I'll push you out again
Cause when I hate myself enough
I hurt the ones I love
And i'm the one to blame