I Sure Hope I Don't Have To Beat Your Ass This Christmas

I sure hope I don't have to beat your ass this Christmas
I hope I don't have to lay the hammer down, you know I will
I wish peace around the world for every boy and girl
But you, I'll leave faith down in Chinatown, me so sorry

I sure hope you ain't gonna beat my ass this Christmas
You know, I might
I think I've been a pretty good boy this year
Let's not get cocky
I made you something nice
I specifically requested Old Spice
And if it's your homemade aftershave, I will whoop your year

Christmas is about forgiveness
No, it is about toys
And your constant excuses make me so freakin' pissed, you know they do
There's a reason for the season

Here's a gift that ain't on your list
A taste from the mighty yellow fist

You better not give me macaroni art this Christmas
So help me God, you'll be pulling back a stomp
See this mistletoe on my belt?
You will smell what I just dealt
As I force your lips to press my fat wide rump

I really hope that you don't beat my ass this Christmas
Well I really hope that you spent a decent amount... on me
Because if I get something lame
I'll roast your chestnuts on an open flame
But just remember, it's the thought that counts

Christmas is about forgiveness
Forgiveness does not turn chicks on like Old Spice shower gel
This is true, but there's a reason for the season
Oh, I'll ring your jingle bells
I'll swat your heinie to the depths of the deepest Hell

And the devastation'll be amazin'
When I get both hands a-blazin'
I'll unleash the shock and awe
When I make your buttocks crawl
Do you hear what I hear?
My hand's about to crash-land on the rear
You'll be torn asunder when I call down the thunder

Here's a gift that ain't on your list
It's a taste from the mighty yellow... what is this?

It's a present, from me to you.
It's a flat-screen TV!
Merry Christmas, Shake.
Not as thin as I would've preferred.
No wall-mount. That's disappointing.
Well, those-those was extra.
I don't know how I'm gonna hang it.
I guess I'll just prop it up against the wall?
Is that what you were thinking?
Look, I know I disappoint you sometimes. But I love you Master Shake.

'Cause Christmas is about forgiveness
I really would have preferred the plasma to the LCD
Well, there's a burning problem with the plasmas
But there's a reason for the season
Well you know, it's 720p, which is not technically true HD
Let's hope you got me the extended warranty

What'd you uhh... what'd you get me for Christmas this year?
Sorry I can't hear you, I'm watching my new TV!
I said what you'd get me, man?
I'm looking under this tree and I ain't... well...
Did you get me this tree skirt?
'Cause I don't wear skirts unless...
OK, once again, I'm having trouble here.
Let's... let's talk later when I can...
Really focus on something other than TV.
It's OK, I understand. I just want you to have a merry Christmas...
Please don't talk while my program is on!
Now I have no idea where the perp was on the night of the 27th.
Good night, Shake.
The very night that his girlfriend disappeared!