arturo huerta and henry marshmallow

You want it I've got it
Arturo in the pocket
Batter's worst nightmare

Arturo, Arturo, Arturo,
Chant my name though I might not be there

Can't see me, Can't hear me, just a vague feeling
Coming from the pitching square

It's Arturo, Arturo, Huertas
Arturo, Arturo, Huertas

We don't have to play these games
You'll never know who threw the ball
'til the ball is through the strike frame

Swing batter, swing batter, swing I dare you
You will never hit this fastball

Arturo, Arturo, Huertas
Arturo, Arturo, Huertas

It looks easy
Pitching a strike
And then pitching a strike
And then pitching again

But you believe me
I worked hard
Shaping these marshmallow
Muscles into a real
Killing machine
Have you seen die hard?
I'm like the blaseball John McClane
Til I'm dead, throwing curveballs cross the Astral Plane
Yippie Kie Yay

I seem scary
But I've got a soft side
A Marshmallow heart
Made of sugary gold
For my teammates I'm

Willing to
Throw both these gelatin
Hands, mess with them, you will
Get knocked out cold
Don't you ever forget

The name's Henry Marshmallow
The most beautiful man with a saccharine soul
Don't you ever forget
The name's Henry Marshmallow
A true champion, with a hardened sugar mold
I made a song

It's Henry Marshmallow
The world's greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!
It's Henry Marshmallow
The world's greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!

La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la

These hands could deliver baseballs
To thousands of catchers
And never meet a bat

That's a new poem I just wrote
It's about pitching
I'm so good at pitching
I'm the mvm
Most valuable marshmallow man in the league

Plus some humans think I'm a deity
I won't argue with them
I think that I'm pretty rare
I'm a sentient marshmallow with perfect hair
Here's my song again

It's Henry Marshmallow
The world's greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!
It's Henry Marshmallow
The world's greatest pitcher in all of blaseball!

La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la la la

Thank you, thank you, three four!

Thank you, thank you again, thank you
Thanks to my backing band the mini marshmallows
They're unionized now, I hate it (no your pro union-)
You might not know me
But my name is Henry Marshmallow
Pitcher for the Seattle Garages
Established baritone, aspiring tenor
But most of all, an I'm an incredible athlete
And I always have been, though I have to tell you
I used to be made fun of all the time
For my marshmallow condition
I'm a marshmallow, in case you didn't know
Actually in the minor leagues
I'd get heckled from the stands
Like "hey marshmallow man! We're gonna roast you!
We're gonna make you into a s'more!"
And eventually I had it up to here and yelled back
"You know what dude, I dare you!
If you tried to make me a s'more and eat me
Your body would need to be like 20% insulin!
So you can try and make me a s'more (Henry, Henry no)
But I'm gonna wreck your pancreas if you do"
So then they'd be pretty quiet- (Hey Henry? No-)
(You can't talk about diabetics-)
Just a sec, my publicist wants to talk
(You really can't talk about diabetics like that)
Okay, great news
I have decided to apologize for the previous anecdote (Jesus Christ)
And I'm going to make a large donation to the
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation
Shout out to everyone with type one diabetes
Nick Jonas, Ethan Geller, Justice Sonia Sotomayor
All champions in my opinion (who's, who's Ethan Geller?)

Ok I have one more thing to say actually
If it was me
At the end of Ghostbusters (What more could you possibly-)
Instead of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
I would've won
Bill Murray would be like "ah man we were gonna ghostbust you
But you're like really chill!
Do you want to make more movies with me?"
Then I would've been a movie star
Maybe even become president
Then Ronald Reagan would've only had one term
Iran Contra wouldn't have happened (whoa, whoa whoa)
I would defund the CIA (you can't say that!)
The entire geopolitical landscape would be (Henry, Henry)
(We gotta stop)
OK, my publicist is now telling me (you really gotta stop talking)
I really need to stop talking
Thank you all, I'm Henry Marshmallow, good night
And go Garages! Park It!
Yeah, how was that?
Good, good job
We're late for your appointment